The Ford Fl-Car ~ An American Automotive Allegory

Still the Busted Laptop, but with an Explanation

The Ford Fl-Car ~ An American Automotive Allegory

The Unremarkable Brain interrupts the previewed schedule of Blog posts to recount the tale of an unremarkable milestone in history of the American Automotive Industry-- the story of the Ford Fl-Car! (Pronounced “Fl-Kar”)

In February 1947, several years after Henry Ford left his corporation to dedicate his life to philanthropy, the geniuses in whose hands he had left the Ford Motor Company released their latest innovation at automotive shows in Detroit, New York and Los Angeles

Announcers proclaimed: “Ladies and Gentlemen, you will now glimpse the Future. Ford Motor Company gives you- The Ford Fl-Car!”

The Fl-Car was the World’s First Flying Car.  Breathless marketing copy averred that the Fl-Car would provide Americans the rarefied experience of setting off from home-- by taking off!

The program from the Spring 1947 International Automotive Exhibition in Detroit rapturously proclaimed, “Your neighbors will gape in awe and envy as you make your way along at the amazing altitude of 9 feet!”

Quite the innovation.

Seventy-two years on, there are no extant examples of the Ford Fl-Car on the road. Such cars, of course, wouldn’t be on the road; they’d be cruising along at vintage car shows at an amazing altitude of nine feet.

Nevertheless, the Fl-Car model was a dreadfully ignominious failure. Automotive Industry analysts attribute the model's failure to three design flaws:

1) The Fl-Car’s engine had an incurable bug-- it leaked oil continually.  Your neighbors, and most Americans, stopped gaping in awe and envy when they started getting motor oil in their mouths.

2) It did achieve and maintain an amazing altitude of nine feet but there are structures that are 10 feet, and taller. The Fl-Car frequently crashed into them.

3) The Fl-Car couldn't land.

By Summer 1947 the Ford Motor Company had pulled the Fl-Car from production. It never again was seen at Ford dealerships or cruising 9 feet above American roads. And by  Summer 1947, Henry Ford was deceased-- apparently succumbing to embarrassment.

OK--- Henry Ford did die in 1947 but probably not of embarrassment. Probably nothing could embarrass Henry Ford. And, of course, they was never a Fl-Car.

But there is Windows 10.

I've repeated the image above of the busted laptop and I feel I must explain how my laptop got busted. You see, this laptop had Windows 7 when I purchased it but by 2016, after a stop at Windows 8.oops, Microsoft was trying to shove Windows 10 into it.

Windows 10 is to Microsoft what the Fl-Car would have been to the Ford Motor Company-- the bridge too far, the product that was doomed to failure.

Windows 10 metaphorically continually leaked oil and ran into structures 10 feet above ground-- which is perhaps why it was dubbed Windows 10.

Tongue in cheek and palm to face, I blame the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation for Windows 10. (Remember-- if Henry Ford hadn't devoted himself to philanthropy, no Fl-Car) 

When Gates left Microsoft to devote HIS life to philanthropy the Microsoft Corporation evidently experienced such a catastrophic brain drain that the brains left behind simply did not know how Windows anymore.

Hence Windows 10, hence my laptop had to die.

After many downloads of unnecessary upgrades, I was often left with a laptop that constantly consistently presented--  not the dread Blue Screen of Death-- but the equally bricked but needlessly antagonistic Blue Screen of Death with a Swirl. 

Imagine your laptop screen screaming, “I'm still alive but you can't access me!”

Because of Windows 10, I unfortunately broke my laptop in touch screen.

On one occasion, when Windows 10 needed to freshen itself up with another FORCED unnecessary download of an upgrade, I slapped the smirky swirl on my touch screen and it cracked.

On another occasion of a disabling FORCED unnecessary download of an upgrade, my fist collided with my computer. The thing ground to a halt. 

The word that popped into my head as I beat the living upgrade out of my computer? “Unproductive”.

How do I have a functioning laptop now? I learned how to use Ubuntu and currently am running Ubuntu 18.04…. or perhaps a hybrid with Lubuntu. 

There are challenges but, at least, I get to say what updates want and when I want them.
Whatever-- I don't bother it, it doesn't bother me.

Basically now I actually have an “okay car” that works. Not a fucking Fl-Car. I'm good.

Update from Forbes: 

"Windows (10) Updates (are) still a confusing mess to manage. That’s the definitive conclusion from a newly published study, which also contains a flowchart of Windows 10 update behavior that may just melt your brain."

"Windows 10 Updates Are Still A Confusing Mess, And This One Image Proves It."  2/27/2019
https://www.forbes.com/sites/jasonevangelho/2019/02/27/windows-10-updates-are-a-confusing-mess-and-this-one-image-proves-it/


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Self evaluation

There was recently great relief in the form of a lifting of a major stressor in my life. (No, I didn't hit anyone or anything. I'll expound later.) 

The tale of the Fl-Car was a bit of schtick I've often bored people with verbally, but I was able to get it in writing here within roughly three hours. Typos? Sure.
But now I can expand the audience I bore with this schtick

From now on one "So I Went" (Maine), one "So I Heard" (Karaoke Songs - "Too Much Heaven") and many lovely photos (which you can order as Prints or Notecards, here!)